Sorting your Feelings
It’s important to recognize and understand your emotional reactions. They are valid. However, some thoughts and feelings may not be beneficial for you to hold onto.
For example, your spouse’s porn use may make you feel like you’re not good enough, not beautiful or sexy enough. Self-incriminating thoughts won’t help you or your spouse. Blame, regardless if it’s pointed inward or outward, doesn’t solve the problem.
Hearing Your Feelings
Before you can relate to your spouse about this issue, you’ll need to separate the incriminating feelings from the holistic ones. Holistic thoughts and feelings are based in self-love and love for others. This ‘big picture’ type of thinking will help you find a calm place to create solutions in a step by step way.
But first you have to be honest about all of your feelings, because all of your feelings are valid and deserve to be “heard”, instead of hidden away.
Unfortunately, your partner probably can’t deal with your feelings right now, because they’re caught up in their own issues. But you can “hear” your own feelings, and acknowledge their validity, so you can move past them. One way of doing this is by writing.
Don’t Bottle Up Your Emotions
Many of us hide our emotions, which can increase the damage. Women especially tend to be long-suffering, putting up with stuff for a long time before we say, “ENOUGH!”
Writing can help to put thoughts and feelings in perspective. It’s just like talking to a trusted friend. You can write to yourself, to God, or to an imaginary friend or counselor. Whatever feels safe to you.
Use the form below to answer the questions so your answers can be emailed back to you. (Your answers are private and will never be shared. We use Typeform to make it easier for you.)
Alternately you can use a journal, or download the questions as a word doc HERE and save them in your own files.
Do you need to talk to someone else?
Sometimes writing or talking to God isn’t quite enough. You might want to confide in a trusted friend or family member for extra support. Sometimes we’re afraid of reaching out, afraid of being judged or misunderstood. High Noon is a safe place, so you can make an appointment for a call with someone from the High Noon spouse support team if you’d like: firstname.lastname@example.org
Every person is different, and the circumstances you’re dealing with are unique to your couple. If you’re in danger because of your partner, or because of you’re own emotions, please seek professional help immediately.