Why He Thinks it’s Not a Big Deal
There are biological, psychological, cultural and historical reasons why men are generally more interested in porn than women, and why women are more likely to be upset that their partner is viewing it. This is not an excuse for the habit, but it’s helpful to understand some of the influencing factors.
Like many things people abuse or overindulge in, it’s starts with a natural desire or a learned pattern. Then it becomes a self-accepted practice. Let’s look at what men are dealing with.
Four Reasons He Thinks Porn Sex is Okay
1. His compartmental brain can separate love and sex
So, he really believes, “it’s just sex.” He’s not thinking that it relates to you, or your relationship. The main reason men start getting concerned about their porn use is when it starts to affect their ability to get an erection with a real person. However, men who’ve been raised with a moral values or an awareness of real love will be more conscience stricken than others.
2. The same reason Fast Food chains are still popular
Even though we know Fast Food is unhealthy, we pull into the drive-though because it serves an immediate but temporary need. The same reason you purchase that $5 Latte on your way to work everyday. Some scientists actually applied business theory to figure out why kids “purchase” porn. This is what they discovered: It’s a convenient way to fill an immediate perceived need while on the way to somewhere (somewhere being adulthood).
3. History of entitlement and sexual exploitation
Ouch! Few men will admit to this, but let’s face it. Women have been perceived as primarily sex objects from the beginning of time. Many men still feel that they deserve to have sex whenever they want it, and however they want it. That’s what women are for, right? To please men. It takes a long time to erase the traces of historical patterns. Women play a part in this too, with their willingness to accept ideas like, “men will be men” in reference to men’s sexual exploits.
4. The current cultural climate of “everyone does it”
Basically, the above historical patterns + the need for a quick fix + the separation of love and sex = the cultural sexual revolution. The “free sex” movement of the 50’s and 60’s then met the “technology revolution” of the 80’s and 90’s and the resulting explosion was internet porn! Free sex and porn everywhere all the time in the new millennium.
In doing research for this course, it was nearly impossible to find articles that support women’s dislike for their partner’s porn habit. All the major publications seem to be saying, “leave him alone or join him”. This attitude is rooted in the psychological community’s unconditional endorsement of Alfred Kinsey’s research. But if you actually read Kinsey’s research you would have to conclude that the man was a pedophile and sadomasochist.
New Research is Better
Fortunately there’s a lot of new research showing the damage internet porn has done to individuals, partners, families and the society. But “free sex” has been on the rise for awhile, and societal change takes time.
A man who can get past the above influences and realize that porn isn’t good, is a man of good character. However, many are trapped in a cycle that conflicts with their conscience because they got hooked on porn before they even knew it wasn’t good for them. They want to stop, but they’re swimming against a heavy current. Cheer them on, they need your support.