Committed To Your Accountability Partner
One more relationship that will make a powerful difference for you is a relationship with an Accountability Partner. An Accountability Partner is someone you can trust, who wholeheartedly wants to see you succeed. They’re someone you can be honest with, and they’re someone you can look up to. They’re someone to keep you accountable to your own stated goals throughout your recovery.
Investing in your relationship with your Accountability Partner can be the single biggest accelerator for you during this course. Ideally, you find someone in your life to act as an Accountability Partner for you, but this is a challenging obstacle for many people starting out in their recovery. We provide one for you during these three months, and will teach you an effective way to communicate with them. Once you see what the relationship can look like, you’ll know how to create that in your own life.
We understand how difficult it can be to share this problem with someone else. It’s normal to feel embarrassed or ashamed. Even though it’s scary, opening up and sharing this secret side of your life is possibly the biggest step you can take towards freedom.
That’s what makes a relationship with an AP so powerful. Porn thrives in secrecy and isolation. The more you open up to other people the more ammo you have in fighting your habit. While a porn thrives in secrecy, it dies in community.
The group call is a huddle. Where the game actually happens is out in your life. You need someone there by your side through all the punches life throws at you. That’s what an Accountability Partner is for.
Okay, so what do I do with my AP?
You’ll text them every day. Every. Single. Day.
It will be super short, but you’ll touch base with them every day and let them know how you’re doing.
At the end of the day, you’ll share with your AP two things:
1. Your daily rating. We use a scale from 0-10; share your rating and why you rate it that way (the APs know the scale)
2. What worked for you & what didn’t work for you
Figure out what worked well for you so you can do more of it. Figure out what didn’t work for you so you can do less of it.
An example check-in:
Today was a 5. I was staring at a woman’s butt this morning and ended up fantasizing about that throughout the day. It made me want to look up more pictures of butts online. Close call, but managed to resist.
What worked today was me getting up when I planned to and having a productive morning. What didn’t work today was letting myself indulge in fantasy and letting it get worse and worse.
There are two other things you can rely on your Accountability Partner for.
Fire Drills
Feel free to message your AP multiple times throughout the day. They’re someone you can reach out to in those moments of temptation. As you progress through this course you’ll begin to recognize when you’re heading down the rabbit hole. Make a habit of reaching out to your Accountability Partner when you recognize yourself approaching danger. They may not always be able to respond right away, but it’s incredible how powerful it is to acknowledge your struggles to someone.
Imagine if the person in the sample check-in above sent his AP this kind of message:
I stared at a girl’s butt and have been thinking about it for the past hour. I want to google more pictures but am working hard not to.
Accountability
Ahhhh, that’s where the name comes from… Another aspect of recovery, and something we’ll get into as we progress through the course, is creating new habits. Your Accountability Partner is the perfect person to share your resolutions with so they can keep you accountable for following through on them.
Doing a 7-day Instagram cleanse? Tell your AP.
Going to stop bringing your phone with you to the bathroom? Tell your AP.
Want to start connecting with old friends you’ve been neglecting? Tell your AP.
What checking in every day will give you:
Honesty Muscle
Throughout this course you’ll experience how tempting it is to fudge the truth. Even little things like saying you spent 20 minutes looking at porn when it was actually 40 minutes. We try so hard to put the best face on things out of fear we won’t be liked if we don’t, without ever considering how freeing it is to let someone know honestly what’s really going on.
Connection Muscle
Reaching out to others is the most valuable muscle to develop for your sexual integrity. Underneath all the brain science and neurological influences of porn is a desire for connection. Reaching out to your AP will train you to bring people into your life, to be the initiator rather than a soggy biscuit waiting on other people to find you.
Connect with other people. That can be a scary thing. Our promise here at High Noon is that this is a space you can be raw and honest, and trust that you’ll be received with support and acceptance.
How do I get an Accountability Partner?
There are several ways to have accountability in your life:
- Groups: Group calls are an excellent way to have accountability. If you haven’t yet, you can sign up for a group here, and ask one of the members to be your AP.
- Someone you trust: Another effective way to get accountability is to reach out to some you trust and respect. Share with them that you’re taking High Noon’s Ascend course and that you’d like some more accountability in your life.
So, be committed to your AP during these next 90 days! Check in with them every day. It’s a short, but powerful practice for your recovery.
Action Step
• Set an alarm on your phone for what time in the evening you want to text your Accountability Partner.
• Send them a message saying you’re ready to start checking in. They’re waiting to hear from you 🙂