It’s important to create some space so your partner can focus on overcoming the habit, and you can focus on healing your own heart. (We’ll go into this more a bit later.) For you to heal from betrayal, you need to feel safe. You need to feel that you can trust your partner, that they’re making their best effort to break free of this habit.

Safety applies to all aspect of life: physical, mental, emotional, financial and spiritual. If your partner has been dishonest, then you’ve lost trust in them to some degree. Ask them to be honest with you, and honest within them-self about their porn habit. If they do report a temptation or slip up, thank them for being honest and encourage them not to give up.

Cultivate Good Feelings

In your own daily life, focus on the things you’re grateful for, and the things you love about your life. Create a network of friends, family and activities that you enjoy with or without your partner.

Try to see your partner as a person who has many other good qualities. Don’t allow this problem to color your entire view of them. Try to find something to appreciate about your partner every day.

Imagine that this porn or intimacy problem is like an illness that needs a treatment plan. Your role is a supportive bystander – you’re not the doctor, nurse or caregiver. While your spouse is in treatment and recovery, your life goes on.

The Recovery Journey

This is not the end of your relationship, it’s just a new journey. Explore how you can be supportive of your partner’s recovery without neglecting yourself. You may want to keep a gratitude journal, take yoga classes, or start a weekly friend’s night out. Whatever helps you feel empowered and whole, and is in agreement with your own sexual integrity.

In the form below, or in your journal (or the downloadable worksheet), write what you’re grateful for, how you like to have fun, and some new things you can try to enjoy life more.